I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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