Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
