Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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