Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
me + whiskey = a bad person
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
