What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
