u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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