I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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