she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
