My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
