I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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