im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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