Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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