Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
