soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
