At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
