she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Life is so much better after having sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
