you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
