this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
