We're facebook friends in real life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
