I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
