we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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