seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
