I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
