Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
