Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
