i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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