So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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