That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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