I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
