I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
