That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
