Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
