Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
