he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
