you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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