fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
