1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
