Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
