my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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