The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
