I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
