Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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