hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
