Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
