I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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