so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
