Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
