You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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