My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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