it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
