Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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