hell yes lets make some ravioli
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
