life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
