Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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