never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
