Someone shit on the floor
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
