That's intense
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
