In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
third nipple confirmed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
