I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
