i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
