Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
