New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
