Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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