Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize