Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
